wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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