he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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