She is in my trunk
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
