I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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