i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im part way to drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
