I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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