you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
