dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
