I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
