i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize