I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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