I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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