no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
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I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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Mom said you looked used
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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