Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
