I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
