I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
