Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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