Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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