The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
