We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
