so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
