So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
