I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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