Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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