Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
