I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
