well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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