Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
