at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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