i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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