It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
