ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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