it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
