I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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