so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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