I just pynch a tree in the face
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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