Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
