THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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