I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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