I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
