I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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