he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
