I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
