you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
