He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Who died my cat blue again?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
