dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
