I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
