im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
