I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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