2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
