i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
