Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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