Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Randomize
