Your face is a jimmy john
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
