I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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