Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
