Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
