Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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