This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
